Fear .

On my knees

Praying to God

Praying so near

All I can feel, fear

Scared lost art

Lingering lust on my tongue

Cardboard cutout-heart...

... waiting for you

becoming once again

shot up the mountain

begin

pounding

draining

fear...
...
beside me

aside from me

all that I see.

A mini-celebration; hallelujah

Today I received my module results for the law degree that I have been studying. I know a few years ago I said it was a waste of money and to be honest, it is. Education should be cheaper and free, as it is in some UK countries, but not England.

I achieved a 2:1 result in this particular module. In England, degree grades (overall) range from a 1:1 – 2:1 – 2:2 to a 3rd. So, to achieve a 2:1 is great to say the least! In a module which I did find difficult, land law. I was warned by a few kind ex-students that land law required more preparation and reading than other modules. The concepts at times are bizarre and confusing but, with determination and grace and love, I stuck to the path.

What does this mean for my overall classification? It means that most likely, highly likely in fact, that I will be gaining a 2:1 Degree classification overall. Great news, which will allow me to progress to the next step in my career and studying goals.

It’s that time of year when students get their results and given the past 16 months or so, most of them should be extremely happy to be graduating at all. Those with pre-existing conditions who have managed to get through the entire situation are brave and should be praised for their sacrifices. We can’t live in the past though, the future is now and we are forever moving forward. Take a hold of your life and begin to actually seize the day and enjoy it! You won’t wake up happy unless you want to be.

The next step involved some variety of further study and training, for a hefty fee.

Thanks for reading that egotistical and preachy introduction to this blog post too! 🙂

POEM OF THE DAY: MY RAGING DESIRE

My raging desire
Oh, how you are shaking
Feel your legs, breaking
As I come close
Move far
I can see who you are, now
And I am ready
We embrace
Gushing waves
A inflatable day
Your desirable haze
Becoming me.

Shalom, namaste and greetings from my radiating positivity.

Stay safe and be well!

You are Life!

I keep coming across posts on Linkedin that talk about progressing in life at your own pace. Rather than abiding by the ‘system’ that states you need to cross certain milestones at a particular age.

Example; raised to attend school and graduate at 16. You head off to college until 18 or 19. Then you go into an apprenticeship, work or further study at university. You then work until you reach the mid-life crisis where you sit in the park wearing a Hawaii shirt, black shades, drinking a Coors light and tripping balls on mushrooms. (sounds like Billy McBride from Goliath). You then ‘exist’ in the same career until you begin to shrivel like a prune and become stiff in the joints, unable to get up to take a p***. You reach retirement if you have survived this far. You have a poor savings account, barely enough to do much other than wait for your time to come. You have children who are far away and don’t really care about you anymore. You then lose your partner. You then come to realise you have either a) wasted your life working or b) not done enough and not explored earth enough.

In other words, regret. Regret can seep in before you reach that final part, the last act of life. You could change if you were 20 again. You’d do things differently. You would rather waste the days and sit in your own filth and self-obsession than making the most of that retirement. Many do. Wealth, the biggest divide in the world. Those with big accounts do more and those with less…you get the picture.

But a person – an individuals happiness, is not measured by wealth. In fact, people rate their happiness based on the people around them and how connected they feel. So, you can say that happiness is subjective. You either are or you aren’t.

If you could travel to the future and see what life will be for you, would you come back and then embark upon that path? It’s up to you. If you could go back in time and do it again, knowing what you have already done, would you repeat those things?

There is no time. If you begin to believe this simple concept, you will better be able to achieve whatever you want. Happiness? No problem. Wealth? No problem. Both share a common theme: effort, motivation, determination, ambition, courage, faith and acceptance.

  1. You need to put the effort in towards the goal you want to achieve. You could be 20, you could be 50. Energy expended is toward that goal.
  2. Motivation, without it you would not get up in the morning or try and better yourself everyday. You are motivated to achieve that goal. You feel refreshed motivating others or seeing their success.
  3. Determination. You want to reach that goal and achieve what you set out to achieve because you know that you can and that nothing can stop you. You are good enough. There is no rush. Those who take it slowly and efficiently are likely to have a strong house at the end.
  4. Ambition gives us a sense of self purpose. We are ambitious because we want to be seen as good, hardworking people. This is the only one on the list which I would say; don’t worry where you set your aim. If you have a dream or desire, the only things holding you back are low self-esteem or doubt.
  5. Courage to live another day, the courage to embark on your own journey. Don’t be afraid. You will not go far if you are afraid. Being aware of potential issues is good, but anxiety is a huge energy drain!
  6. Faith in yourself and God (if you believe) will give you a sense of purpose. Have faith that you are good enough, that you are better than your best self. Without faith you have nothing.
  7. Finally, acceptance, one of the highest states of being. I accept myself, therefore I accept others. Learn to love yourself and accept how you have been born into the world. Accept opportunities and friendships…you will go far if you both believe and accept in yourself.

How do you feel about your life? Do you feel happy? Is there something in your heart you are yet to set out to achieve?

There is no moment like the present. Remember time does not exist (in this perspective). That means you are not ahead or behind. You are here now and achieving (hopefully) something you want to achieve.

I saw the golden gates
And began to feel my own fate
And the ball was rolling
We were falling
Sinking and rising
Into the abyss
Coming out with bliss.

Guided

A reminiscent sojourn

Could you make it

To the final

In the court

As days speed by

We say goodbye

Night of our lives

So long

Dying breed

Those nights

Were what we desperately need


Guided to the gate

Years pass

Many times

Pain that lasts

And leaving young a breath

To much the width

Of narrow path

Guided.


Seperation: the previous poem on my wordpress site.

One Hope

You are the lucky ones,
the protected,
wrapped in a fig of virtual reality,
blanketed in false tales,
a dark fairy tale,
your only demand,
ignorance,
and some know,
and have seen,
the opposite,
through faith,
have come through,
that portal,
defied odds,
your back in the office,
you are blind.

Maybe Another Day

Maybe you could strike a chord?
Maybe you could kick a stone?

How you live and how you die,
not exactly how you live inside?
Breath of life,
angels delight.

Thunder strike,
rain tonight,
nowhere near my might,
thunder strikes,
rain tonight.

Drip of blood, 
love and lust,
you've become,
endangered and undone.

Maybe another day,
a day so so far away,
one we could say,
allowed us to see the way,
through our darkness,
your darkness in my eyes,
all those wasted years,
your thin blood lines,
lies behind my mind...

Sunlight beaming very bright,
sunrise in the distance,
is coming,
inside out finding your way out,
learning what it's all about,
in the house. 

Maybe you could turn the music up?
Maybe you could open your heart?

Maybe, another day.